The past bothers me, what can I do?

Question:

Hi there.





I am a 19 year old male and I met a girl whom I like dearly. We talk so much that both our cell phone bills both went over our minutes (we dont have unlimited minutes) and i speak with her on average 4-10 hrs PER day on MSN.





Problem is, I am 100% sure shes had sex before,and I have good reason to believe shes slept around, I actually think this is rather slutty.





How is this a problem? Im not sure, it just really disgusts me. I had a girlfriend once before (4 years ago) and I was her first boyfriend she did anything with so her past didnt eat away at me. I KNOW one CANNOT change the past and I KNOW that I am attracted to who she is now.





I’m a «different» type of guy, I grew up really early and am only interested in lasting relationships and when talking to her its like talking to another me, which is great because my mouth muscles and finger joints hurt before our conversations get old.





Thinking «the past is the past» is just to «common?» for me and I feel this is going to ruin a relationship. Shes the type of girl who goes after what she wants and WOW is she always physically and verbally all over me.





I have reason to believe that all of this is in the past and she is no longer like this but still, it eats at me >.>





but I feel so….. screwed :(. What can I do :(?


Answer:

This is something that you need to talk over with her. If it bothers you so much that she is not a virgin, you will have to just move on. She can’t change what has happened in the past. The ball is really in your court on this. But I do have a couple of questions/comments for you. You are fairly young right now, but as you get a few years older, you will find fewer and fewer women who are virgins. Sadly, but it is what it is. You are perhaps missing out on a really wonderful person because you are focused on this one aspect of a relationship.


Second, you said you had a GF four years ago and you were the first that she «did anything» with. So why was it OK for you to be with another girl in your past, but not OK for the girl? Don’t you see that you have to adhere to the same standards you expect for other people?

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