Do you like the story I’ve written so far? (I’m 13)?

Question:

September 19th


WOW. Well this is the dumbest thing I have ever had to do. Yes I have been in juvy, yes I have been forced to help out at animal shelters but I don’t think that was that bad. I mean, I don’t believe in forcing a child.. scratch that, a teenager to do what they don’t want to do. So anyway, I have been forced to keep a diary. A DIARY! For a whole flippin year! A YEAR OF A DUMB DIARY?! How will I survive?? I have been forced to keep a diary so I can just let out my emotions and spill them on the page. I’m not going to tell you why I’m forced to keep a diary right now because there is some fat chick reading over my shoulder. OH! zx Ow! She just slapped me and walked away. And those marks were just scribbles. When she hit me my wooden pencil that I found on the ground was scribbled upon the page. Well now that the fat, aggressive, lady is gone, I guess I can tell you why I’m keeping «you.» No, that’s weird. You’re just a diary. You’re just paper. It’s not like you have feelings like humans do. You know, one day I think robots will cry. Yes, they will… My friend Roxanne, that I met in juvenile hall, says that they would just be leaking oil for tears if they were «crying» but I don’t believe that. I want to see a robot cry and I know I will someday! Anyway, I have to keep a diary because my mom gave me one so I could «spill out my emotions and write why I have the sudden need or desire to steal or drink to get myself put into a juvenile delinquent school.» I assured her that it’s not a school and that it’s called «juvenile hall» but at this she said nothing and just handed me you. You are all that I am supposed to be worried about. Now my problems and troubles lay in your hands. (Even though you’re just a diary so you don’t have hands..) Oh and did I mention that I have a slight case of kleptomania? Oh and by the way, your paper is going to be in some pretty bad shape when I’m done with you. I write forcefully and I have horrible «penmanship» as my mom calls it. Well, a person who has been to juvy seven times for stealing and vandalizing private property and drinking underage and assaulting police officers…well… what kind of juvenile delinquent would I be if I had awesome penmanship?





September 22nd


My mom said that I have to start school today. At least it’s a Monday but ew. I mean, the vast majority of teenagers (as far as I can tell) hate school. Only the extreme nerds actually enjoy the ‘academic excitement’. So I’m on the bus ride to school now and I am stuck in a seat with two senior geeks talking about vector calcusus sitting next to me. Ugh. Well, the bus just stopped. Gotta go.





It’s 5th period and I’m in World Studies. It is the worst class ever. I’m just listening to Mr.Soearkrout give us a long lecture about the importance of World War 1 or something. My opinion is that there were too many to count and they aren’t that important anyway. Oh, and if you’re wondering, stupid diary(Hey, I’ll call you that!) I know some big words considering the fact that the only thing that I am allowed to do in Juvy is either yard work or reading books during free-time. So, I have spent the majority of my life reading novels in juvy. Kind of funny, huh? I mean, I was spending more time reading books than I was supposedly destroying them. (What I mean by destroying them is that one of my juvy buddies liked destroying books. She never destroyed the books I liked though. Never.) Well, gotta go. Mr.Soearkrout is getting suspicious of what I’m writing. Maybe I’ll write a little later. Bye.





September 30th


Sorry I haven’t been writing lately. My mom has got me all caught up in my homework and she’s really getting on my butt about it. Heh, sounds funny when you put it that way, doesn’t it? Anyway, I’m outside of the gym(My mom is making me take gymnastics) in my outfit and smoking a cigarette. It feels dry on my lips though. Maybe because I’m crying. I’m crying because I’m tired of this. I’m tired of getting in trouble and then having to suffer the punishments. I’d rather just get away with whatever it is that I’m doing. I hate that I have to do gymnastics but- Oh crap. Somebody just opened the door.





It’s my mom.





She snatched the cigarette out of my hand.





And smacked me.





Then she closed you.





«We need to talk.» She said.





October 3rd


She has officially grounded me. A waste of time, yes. I’m about to make my retreat tonight, anyway. I’m going to my friend Blaire’s party. And yes, I actually have a friend at school if you were wondering. She’s just some weird… eccentric girl from school. I met her in World Studies. She stole my pen out of my hand and I literally attempted to jump over her to get it and grasp it out of her hands. Ugh. And then we started talking once Mr. Soearkrout demanded that she give me back my pen. Honestly, the conversation was about nothing. We just talked about the assignment and then she invited me over to her party tonight. I said «yes» and then I remem


Answer:

Your story is interesting and it has a slight sense of humor.The reason why I didn’t like it though was because of your character’s immaturity and how you wrote it. Your grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure needs to be heavily worked on. Another thing, please break your story into decent paragraphs. When I first looked at it, I was completely ready to turn away but lucky for you, I didn’t. Right now, everything looks like a big cluster of trash.

Source(s):
My brain

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